being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus
Oops I did it again . . .
October 27, 2010Posted by on
I hate to admit this. But I will. Because perfection doesn’t exist in this world. Because in my life, procrastination reigns supreme. Because maybe, like me, when you don’t finish something, you feel like a failure.
I began this great program (for the THIRD time) called Couch to 5K. It’s exactly what it’s called. You get your butt off the couch and start walking/jogging. Each week it progresses a little bit more, until after nine weeks (or a little more in case you need to repeat a week for some reason or another), you’re running for 30 minutes straight/a 5 kilometer distance (that’s 3.1 miles for the metrically challenged). I started doing it the second week of September. If you do the math, I should be on week seven of the program. I’m not.
Like most things in my life, I began and was eager to complete it. I visited the local specialty running store because I wanted the proper shoes in which to run. I pumped up my running wardrobe (which had previously consisted of one pair of black Nike pants that I purchased right after Lil Linus and a couple of sports bras). I was completely on board for a couple of weeks. I ran in circles around my children in my back yard when I couldn’t get away from the house (the perimeter is roughly the size of a gym running track). I even entered myself into a race. I was doing well. And then it all just sort of fizzled.
So what happened? Life. Some weird cold/congestion virus entered our home. I got sucked in to double coupons and killer deals at Kroger (which translated into shopping instead of running). The laundry and dishes and cleaning started to go to the wayside, which drove me a little crazy (a side note: I am most definitely NOT the world’s best house keeper. And while I admit to my messiness tendencies, I still despise having a dirty home – but that’s another post ENTIRELY). I just sort of stopped training.
And this, my friends, is what I mean by doin’ it halfway.
Life seems to get in the way of a lot of things. There are a lot of plans I have for myself. There’s the woman I want to be and there’s the woman that I am. They hardly ever match up. I tend to compare myself to other women who seem capable and able to do it all. Their homes always seem clean, their kids are well-behaved, they’re always happy, and they look good in skinny jeans. Some of them even work full-time outside them home. You might as well stamp a big “Supermom” on their foreheads. And then stamp “lesser known, less powerful sidekick mom” on mine.
Can I just pause here and give a big sigh? SIGH. Now, one big cleansing breath. Ok, enough of beating myself up.
Life’s recipe is a big ol’ cup o’ imperfection sifted with glimpses of eternity (which gives me an idea for ANOTHER post). NONE of us are perfect, even those of us who think we are. It’s not really about us anyway. When we try to cover up or hide these imperfections, we’re just lying to each other and to ourselves. The truth is that we should rejoice in them. Imperfection = Human Weakness. Human Weakness = God Glorified.
I know that it has always been my heart’s cry to be honest. Honest with God, honest with myself, and honest with those I meet. Honestly, I have to tell you, that most days I feel like one hot mess. But really, aren’t we all? I refuse to hide behind a mask that falls apart when I can’t juggle all my tasks as perfectly as the world would like. I just want to tell the world that I’ll never be the woman it thinks I should be. I’m just a child of God and this isn’t my home.
Somehow, when we are weak, He is strong. And He gets all the glory. I don’t know how it all works. I just know that it does, and in my past it has. Maybe one day, I’ll get the chance to run a marathon like this girl (she’s a friend of an acquaintance, but I’m inspired by her reason and purpose to run). Maybe not. But either way, my life with all it’s inadequacies and failures and imperfections add up to God being glorified.
Earlier this week I heard something that has stuck with me the past few days. Abraham, when told by God in old age that he would have a son, weighed his knowledge of the human possibility of conception in old age to the impossibility that God would break his promise. Abraham chose to believe that God would follow through with the promise of giving him a son. I want to have that type of faith. I want to weigh all of life’s disappointments and failures against the impossibility of God not finishing what He’s started. Because unlike me, He never fails to finish. He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.
Scripture: Hebrews 11, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Genesis 17