Doin' It Halfway Since 1996

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

Afraid to Jump after a Bloggy Break

I first need to get something off my chest. A confession,
if you will. I wanted very much to be the model mom and do all the
traditions I outlined on the New Traditions post. But, I can’t say
that I did. True to form (and the name of my blog) I halfwayed my
way through the holidays. I did some of the things I wanted to do,
and not others. I started a few, but didn’t finish. As I’ve been
staying at various relatives’ homes, I’m noticing my halfwayedness
more and more. I have been traveling about the Midwest, visiting
family and spreading Christmas cheer. As a result, I’ve found
myself taking a bloggy break. I looked back on the dates of my blog
posts in December. They are a little few and far between. It’s a
little sad. It makes me wonder if the halfways are making their way
into my blog life. So this post is the remedy to getting me back to
blogging health (a.k.a. frequent posting). I don’t know if I’ve
even been missed. But if my two or so readers have missed me, I’m
sorry I’ve been gone. I’ve really missed you too. My life will be
changing tracks in the next month or so. Hubs and I have been
contemplating and deciding on a big decision for our family. I’ve
been contemplating on a very definitive direction to take my blog
(or possibly start a new one). There’s a very incredible idea in
the works that, if it becomes a reality, could be huge. big. HUGE.
I want to do it all. I’m looking at some of the changes (to be
announced at a later date) our family is embarking upon and
wondering how and if my blog life will fit into it all. Because I
really like my little corner of the blog world here. I’m feeling a
little discombobulated as I write vaguely tonight. Part of the
reason is because I’m so wanting to just announce these changes to
the world (and no I’m not pregnant), but the time isn’t quite right
yet. And quite honestly, I’m a little scared. I’m scared of my past
history, of my follow through. So I guess I can be honest about
that. Part of why I don’t want to share it is because as long as
the “it” is in the idea stage, as long as it is just a thought, I
can’t fail on it. If I have committed to whatever “it” is, then the
possibility of failing to follow through is much more real. Then,
when I don’t follow through, I feel like a failure. The fact is
that these changes are going to require some big internal changes
on my part. I know that in the long run, these changes are going to
be very positive changes for our family. However, for these changes
to be successful and have the positive outcomes desired, I’m going
to have to get my halfwayedness in check. Can I tell you what that
really means? It means putting all this into God’s hands . . . for
real. Not just saying that I’m going to do it. Not just saying I
trust him. But really trusting. The kind of trusting that causes my
two year old to jump from the top of the stairs into my arms at the
bottom of the stairs knowing that I’m going to catch her. Why can’t
I just jump into his arms? Why do I question whether or not his
arms are there to catch me? And as I ponder what I just
wrote, I can’t write any more. I have tried to figure out what
witty or funny thing I should say here. And nothing’s coming. So
that’s it. Here’s me, standing here on the edge, afraid to
jump, even when I know it’s entirely safe to do so.

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3 responses to “Afraid to Jump after a Bloggy Break

  1. stephanie December 31, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    i missed you 😉

  2. Sarah January 2, 2011 at 3:43 am

    Girl, you better SPILL! 🙂 What’s going on? The only thing I can think is that you’re going back to work. How did we not talk about this when we saw each other? Whatever it is, God has a plan and it’s perfect. 🙂

  3. Pingback: 2011, I look forward to meeting you « Doin' It Halfway Since 1996

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