being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus
Category Archives: Exercise
I don’t want to write this post. I am choosing to obey and write it anyway. If you read to the end, you’ll understand why.
About two weeks ago, something in me changed. A friend from afar emailed me. She noticed something in my facebook statuses. I had been trying to lose weight. And I had been mentioning it and talking about it and posting about it for awhile.
This beautiful friend saw through the joking and the starting of diets and failing of diets and starting and stopping of exercise plans. She saw my hurt. She saw my shame. She saw my brokenness. She saw me.
She saw these numerous, but sporadically placed, status updates and sent me an email. She shared something with me. She gently, but lovingly shared her own testimony. Then she gently and lovingly pointed out that I have an addiction.
An addiction to food.
I read her message and I cried. This dear, sweet sister in Christ, who I haven’t seen in years, looked past the computer screen and thousands of miles and she saw my heart. You know who you are. I know you’re reading. And I thank and praise God so much for you.
She didn’t just point out my sin. She offered hope. And answers. And encouragement.
The truth is that I’ve been turning to all the wrong places to be full. I’ve spent half (maybe more) of my life obsessing about food, obsessing about needing to lose weight, obsessing over what people thought of how I looked. It’s what inspired the post “Dear World.” It’s what inspired the post “Take these Broken Vessels.”
If I have to be truly honest with you, which I have promised to do, dear readers, it’s that I’ve been broken for many, many years. Over something as fleeting as appearances.
My dear, sweet friend offered this hope in the form of an online Bible Study.
The Holy Spirit, through this Bible study, has revealed not only my sin of gluttony, but also the sins of vanity, of disbelief, of laziness. It’s made me stare my sin nature in the face. It’s more than just losing weight. It’s not about another diet or exercise plan that I hope I can follow through with, but ultimately know I’ll fail. It’s about feasting on the Word of God. It’s about throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12:1).
Maybe you don’t have an addiction to food. Maybe you struggle with something else. Setting Captives Free has studies geared toward other addictive behaviors like cutting, smoking, alcohol/drugs, anorexia and bulimia, gambling, and sexual purity. It costs NOTHING. Just like grace, it’s free. Just visit the site. Watch the video. Pray about it. If you know you’re supposed to sign up, you will.
This whole process has been refining. It’s hurt. It’s been difficult. It’s been excruciating. It’s also been freeing. It’s been redeeming. It’s been an opening of the book that reveals the love story written for me before time began.
It has been an invitation to fall back in love with my Savior and feast on the words he gives me instead of the food I’ve allowed to numb me. It’s believing that the redemptive work he did on the cross covers the sin that has been revealed and has already overcome it.
I’ve written this because it needs to be shared. I still have several weeks until I finish my study. But I couldn’t wait to share this. Someone has been a slave to sin for too long. Someone needs to know that they aren’t alone. Someone needs to know that there is hope. Someone needs to hear that his or her value comes from Christ alone.
So that’s all. I’m spent. It’s hard to confess this to the Lord, let alone the world. I just can’t hide in the dark any longer. It’s lonely there. It’s depressing there. I was NOT created for darkness. He created me to be salt and light. And in order to do that, I have to be exposed.
“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.” John 3:19-21
Will you walk in the light with me? Will you be willing to expose your heart?
If you want to comment here, please do. If you do not feel comfortable sharing here, you may send me an email. If you decide to embark on this freeing journey, I would love to pray for you.
Ok, so not really. My past has shaped who I am today. I already wrote a post about what I’d say to my former selves. This post is not a repeat of that.
Actually, I want to try to go to bed before midnight tonight (I have 32 minutes until midnight . . . not sure I’ll make it, but we’ll try). So quick post for you. I have mentioned in my “What’s My Story?” that I tried writing several different types of blogs in the past. And it’s true. I have.
Some of those blogs still exist. I haven’t deleted them. They mostly concentrated on one area of my life. But I still wrote them and those posts could be relevant to what I write here on Doin’ It Halfway.
So, here are half of my other blogs for you to check out. Don’t worry, Doin’ It Halfway is my end-all. But, I thought I’d still share them in case you’d like to see a little bit more of who I am. Because I was as honest on these other blogs as I am on Doin’ It Halfway. It’s just that when I started the other blogs, I didn’t have the time machine to go forward in time to see that I would write a catch-all blog later on down the road.
R House of Drama: Where I posted about my adventures of being a mom of three girls. And really, having three girls is an adventure. of. drama. Why, just today, we had a rendition of “That’s Mine! No it’s not! It’s mine!” Love those girls, even though they make me so crazy that I had to tell hubs to put them to bed tonight because my attitude was as bad as theirs.
Voice of My Depression: I started this blog a month or so ago, wanting to have an honest discussion about depression and show people who don’t suffer from depression what depression is all about. Wow – I used the word depression three times in the previous sentence. Weird. Anyway – it’s a little more of the serious side of me. And there are only like three posts because I started to write this blog instead. But it’s still me and you’ll find posts like these scattered throughout Doin’ It Halfway in the future.
P90X: One Fat Chic’s Journey: Ok, I’m keepin’ it real with this one. I’m a little ashamed to put this one out there because it’s for real, me. And my struggle with weight. But whatever. I’ve had three kids. I’ve gone through a deployment. I’ve had some rough family situations, moved seven times in the last five years, and lived in a hotel when I started writing Fat Chic’s Journey. Oh yeah, I mentioned Tae Bo in my “What’s My Story?”, but not P90X. I did it for about three weeks. Yep. Halfway. I will tell you that I deleted the pictures because the current readers of “Halfway” are people who know me and, while I’m honest, I just can’t share the rolls. But the stats, I’ll keep up. Mostly because it pertains to struggle with weight and eating and exercise that I mention here.
All these themes (and more) will be discussed at some point here on Doin’ It Halfway. But for now, it’s easier to just link to what’s already been written to give you a little more insight into the crazy world that is mine.
Didn’t make the midnight deadline. Boo. Oh well. As Scarlet O’Hara would say, “I won’t think about that today. I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
I hate to admit this. But I will. Because perfection doesn’t exist in this world. Because in my life, procrastination reigns supreme. Because maybe, like me, when you don’t finish something, you feel like a failure.
I began this great program (for the THIRD time) called Couch to 5K. It’s exactly what it’s called. You get your butt off the couch and start walking/jogging. Each week it progresses a little bit more, until after nine weeks (or a little more in case you need to repeat a week for some reason or another), you’re running for 30 minutes straight/a 5 kilometer distance (that’s 3.1 miles for the metrically challenged). I started doing it the second week of September. If you do the math, I should be on week seven of the program. I’m not.
Like most things in my life, I began and was eager to complete it. I visited the local specialty running store because I wanted the proper shoes in which to run. I pumped up my running wardrobe (which had previously consisted of one pair of black Nike pants that I purchased right after Lil Linus and a couple of sports bras). I was completely on board for a couple of weeks. I ran in circles around my children in my back yard when I couldn’t get away from the house (the perimeter is roughly the size of a gym running track). I even entered myself into a race. I was doing well. And then it all just sort of fizzled.
So what happened? Life. Some weird cold/congestion virus entered our home. I got sucked in to double coupons and killer deals at Kroger (which translated into shopping instead of running). The laundry and dishes and cleaning started to go to the wayside, which drove me a little crazy (a side note: I am most definitely NOT the world’s best house keeper. And while I admit to my messiness tendencies, I still despise having a dirty home – but that’s another post ENTIRELY). I just sort of stopped training.
And this, my friends, is what I mean by doin’ it halfway.
Life seems to get in the way of a lot of things. There are a lot of plans I have for myself. There’s the woman I want to be and there’s the woman that I am. They hardly ever match up. I tend to compare myself to other women who seem capable and able to do it all. Their homes always seem clean, their kids are well-behaved, they’re always happy, and they look good in skinny jeans. Some of them even work full-time outside them home. You might as well stamp a big “Supermom” on their foreheads. And then stamp “lesser known, less powerful sidekick mom” on mine.
Can I just pause here and give a big sigh? SIGH. Now, one big cleansing breath. Ok, enough of beating myself up.
Life’s recipe is a big ol’ cup o’ imperfection sifted with glimpses of eternity (which gives me an idea for ANOTHER post). NONE of us are perfect, even those of us who think we are. It’s not really about us anyway. When we try to cover up or hide these imperfections, we’re just lying to each other and to ourselves. The truth is that we should rejoice in them. Imperfection = Human Weakness. Human Weakness = God Glorified.
I know that it has always been my heart’s cry to be honest. Honest with God, honest with myself, and honest with those I meet. Honestly, I have to tell you, that most days I feel like one hot mess. But really, aren’t we all? I refuse to hide behind a mask that falls apart when I can’t juggle all my tasks as perfectly as the world would like. I just want to tell the world that I’ll never be the woman it thinks I should be. I’m just a child of God and this isn’t my home.
Somehow, when we are weak, He is strong. And He gets all the glory. I don’t know how it all works. I just know that it does, and in my past it has. Maybe one day, I’ll get the chance to run a marathon like this girl (she’s a friend of an acquaintance, but I’m inspired by her reason and purpose to run). Maybe not. But either way, my life with all it’s inadequacies and failures and imperfections add up to God being glorified.
Earlier this week I heard something that has stuck with me the past few days. Abraham, when told by God in old age that he would have a son, weighed his knowledge of the human possibility of conception in old age to the impossibility that God would break his promise. Abraham chose to believe that God would follow through with the promise of giving him a son. I want to have that type of faith. I want to weigh all of life’s disappointments and failures against the impossibility of God not finishing what He’s started. Because unlike me, He never fails to finish. He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.
Scripture: Hebrews 11, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Genesis 17